I'd Like to Thank...

As I sit here watching the People's Choice Awards, I realize that I have never accepted an award in front of an adoring audience. This makes sense considering that I am not a actress or songstress. I am not a philanthropist, a small town hero, nor have I done anything to inspire peace across the globe. However, that doesn't change the fact that I really want (really, really want) to win a golden statue. I want to sit in the crowd and act surprised when they call my name. I want to stand at the podium and thank God, family, and all the people who made my win possible. Of course I would thank my fans , who motivate me to keep doing whatever it is I'm being awarded for. I would end my speech with something witty (because that's what my fans would expect from me), and humbly exit stage left. I would steer clear from the ugly cry, or anything else snot inducing (but depending on the audience, may shed a single tear). I have it all planned out minus one annoying detail; who in heck would give me an award?

Being a mom is stressful. Surely there should be an award to distinguish the good moms from the ones who suck (some moms suck. Sad, but true). There should be an entire award show dedicated to our hard work (like the People's Choice Awards), with categories like, "Best Boo Boo Kisser", and "Best Last Minute School Project Puller-Offer". Nominees would show up in designer gowns, and walk the red carpet as the paparazzi snapped photos. TMZ would shout out inappropriate questions, and for one evening we would pretend like we didn't spend the majority of our time dedicated to another human being.

Until then, I will continue to practice my "surprised" face and acceptance speech (cause all you other moms are going down!).

What category would you win ? (This is your chance to make up your own award. Don't worry, you're the only nominee so your destined to win.)