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Kids ask tons of questions. I once read an article that said the average 3 year old asks 400 questions a day. At 3, both my sons easily beat that statistic. From the moment they could form sentences, the questions have been coming in nonstop, and on several occasions have left me stumped (or laughing hysterically). I made a list of the some of the more “special” questions they have asked.
• How come God doesn’t have a wife? (There is a joke in here somewhere, and If given enough time I could come up with a punch line. However, my son was very serious when he posed this question, so I answered him the best I could: Ask your Dad)
• If God is a corn-dog could I eat him? (Yes, you read that correctly. This is what happens when you tell your kids god is everywhere. They conclude that god is their corn-dog)
• Do cars drive with fart gas, or a different kind of gas? (If cars were powered by human gas; my boys would see to it that I would never have to buy gas again.)
• How come people don’t have bones in their lips? (Because then we’d have beaks, and kissing would be significantly harder)
• How do you sneeze and scream in Chinese? (When I was a kid, I once asked my mom if the Chinese restaurant served “Chinese Coca Cola”. I guess the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree)
• How many people are on earth? (Thank God for Google. 6.78 Billion)
• Can you still live if your head get’s cut off? (I am always happy to answer these questions, because I’m sure in doing so I am preventing deadly experimentation)
If it’s true that kids learn by asking questions, my boys are well on their way to becoming geniuses. I on the other hand, am counting down the days until they can Google there own questions.
Life After Death
Journey: When people you know, or people in your family die, they live in your heart.
Justice: I know, Michael Jackson lives in my heart
(a brief moment of silence)
Justice: How do I get him out?
Journey: Surgery
During an Epic Battle of Good Vs. Little
Jordan: (yelling in baby babble), STOP!
Justice: Jordan! You can’t talk to me like that. You are 1 years old, and I am 5 years old. That means you won’t be my age until 3, or 4 more days!
(At least he got the 4 part right. I’ll work on the years versus days part later)
Do You Want To Battle?
Journey: Mom, do you want to play Go Fish?
Me: No, I want to relax for a little bit.
Journey: Are you afraid like a frightened cat?
Me: Um, no.
Journey: Run little kitty, RUN!
(What the heck? Was that a threat or a challenge. I opted not to find out and accepted the invitation to play Go Fish)
Perception
Justice: Mom, Do you know who thinks Journey is cool, and who is Journey’s biggest fan?
Me: Who?
Justice: JOURNEY!!
(out the sarcastic mouths of babes. I take full credit for his advanced sarcasm)
My shorts are 100% codden (he means cotton, however I like hearing him say "codden" to much to correct him). Not codden candy, just codden.
I really appreciate the clarification. I now know not to turn to my clothes for a tasty treat.
Dad: You would call the police on me for singing a song your mom didn’t like
Justice: You wouldn’t go to jail, you would just get a ticket
Dad: You would want me to get a ticket for singing a song your mom didn’t like
Justice: Well, I did used to live in her belly!
Don’t talk about Justice’s mama! He will cut you (or at least try). I’m so proud.
Mom is kind of like a human jungle gym
What the [insert expletive here]! This actually frightens me. Proof that parent abuse exists.)
Justice: Mom, would you eat a bulls nuts?
Me: What?
Justice: Yeah, on that show (I’m a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here) the man had to eat a bulls nuts.
Dad: Son, I don’t think they said that. They said bull’s testicles.
Justice: Dad, that’s bull’s nuts!
Two things. 1. Reality TV is the working parents reward for a job well done. Some are kid appropriate (American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, Fear Factor), others not so much (pretty much anything on MTV or VH1). "I’m a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here" seemed safe. What I didn’t know is that it would also be educational. Thanks to the show my son now knows the word testicle (it’s better than saying nuts). 2. When being taught an important lesson (such as using the word testicles vs nuts) it is important to keep a straight face. However, as a parent it is often times impossible. I was useless for about 5 whole minutes trying to gain my composure after hysterically laughing. I’m laughing now just thinking about.
This is why I keep them around. Kids are hilarious.
In case your wondering, the answer is "NO", I would NOT eat a bull's nuts (I mean testicles).
